Worth it or not

The team decided to ask a question and a couple of people gave different views. The question was “dating people who have been traumatized or abused and have not dealt with it;is it worth it?”

Below are some of the reactions gotten on this. We are not fit to judge this,so it is still open for more

MC Sleek:You have to be very patient with them sometimes these people don’t know how to express love because they are still scared! It’s hard mehn if you really love them u can stay.

Esther Polaris:
I don’t think it’s 💯. I know they should have worked on it before thinking about dating. But dealing with trauma is not easy, it may take a long time. The person who dates the traumatized, may be instrumental to the healing of that wound. Those words and consistent care shown to the traumatized may be all needed to help that person. Take Joyce Meyer as an example. She was still traumatized when she got Married to Dave. In fact, Dave actually prayed that God gives him someone going through stuffs so that he could help in healing that person
In her book, beauty for ashes, she explains how it was difficult for her to get used to being really loved
She said she always felt terrible when she and Dave made love
Cos it was like the experience she had with her father, when he raped
But years into that relationship, she by the help of God
And the constant love and care from her husband has been helped
And is helping people all over the world
And it wasn’t easy for Dave. He was giving a lot for the relationship to work
But she almost misinterpreted everything

He had to be patient and prayerfully
It took a lot on his part

What I’m saying is, a person can be helpful in healing a traumatized individual
As long as the traumatized individual is open to healing (ready to get help)
Agbutun:
Very untrue… We are all products of a past. Some of us learn how to manage our pasts by meeting people who prove to us that life can be reverse of the past.
Some relationships are therapy sessions and healing platforms. Imagine dating a girl who has been raped several times and you never make passes on her… That in itself is redefining. Can I make you privy to a new food secret? Before you date anybody, understand the input of Songs Of Solomon 8:8(NLT) _Be that brother she’s talking about_

Elvina:
Sometimes people need people to get out of such mess. People deal with things differently but in cases like being traumatized, they need genuine love, attention and affection. That attention can help them get over what ever they have been through. It wasn’t their fault they got traumatized, they were simply taken advantage of.It might take a while to fix them but it could be worth it.
People got them into that mess, people can take them out
If it’s not worth it, who will fix them🤷🏾‍♀, a spoilt phone can’t fix itself it needs a good repairer.
Comdemcy:
It may ,it may not. But it depends on how the other party gets to know the trauma behind the others actions, plans on how to help out, and make him or her see reasons why they can still trust,hope and love again.
Ghost:
It’s hard but everyone deserves love and all that…. Mehn you need to be patience with them..
Kamal ElSpeaks
Well to some extent its not worth it, but only if you don’t know how to help them come out of that experience, you might end up getting angry and also making the person angry too.

And I feel one of the ways one can help them is by asking the person “what would be most helpful for them right now and do that thing. Let them know you are here to listen to them, validate them and support them

Many survivors of violence and abuse, experience extreme fears stemming from past abuse, which can lead to what’s known as catastrophic thinking
Whether the trauma was physical, sexual, or emotional, the impact can show up in a host of relationship issues. Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream. Many tell themselves they are flawed, not good enough and unworthy of love. Thoughts like these can wreak havoc in relationships throughout life.
Femi Salako:
It’s an almost harsh, rather insensitive and quite stupid stand, in my own opinion.

What if… She just needs someone who can date her, and LOVE HER OUT of the hurt and trauma, she may be going through?

What if she just needs the RIGHT PERSON to journey with her?

Peace Gideon:
Well trying to fix a grown man is a mistake , if its just friendship you can be patient enough but when it comes to intimate relationship… Its going to be very intoxicating… yes there is something called patient but you can’t totally discomfort yourself for someone really.. so main thing there is actually prayer.

Below are some screenshots of other responses:

In your opinion, do you think it is worth it or not? Drop your take in the comment box below…

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30 Comments on “Worth it or not”

  1. I think it is not the person’s choice to be traumatized. It was just unfortunate. Now talking about them not to be dated or not worth it is inhumane. We all have feelings. We have our shortcomings. We have different temperaments, abilities, weaknesses, and ways of dealing with numerous situations. Some of these people might actually need the love we are hiding from them. Some just need a little attention and care and they’ll be alright. Where it is not worth it is when this person is not willing to change to be a little flexible to be helped. Now when you date such person then there’s serious work. Relationship is actually understanding. It’s this understanding and character that keeps it not just the “love”. So when the person is really willing to bend to some character corrections and remodeling, then I think it’s ok. But if it’s vice versa, then you are in real shit.

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